Game of Thrones actors before they donned the blonde.

Before They Were Lannisters: Game of Thrones actors before they donned the blonde.

Rejected post title: “A Lannister Always Pays His Dues.”


Joffrey Lannister in Batman Begins
Before he played the one dickhole you’d like to cram a Q-tip in, Jack Gleeson was known to American audiences as “that fuckin’ blond kid who almost got gassed” in 2005′s Batman Begins. I know it’s hard to distinguish between actor and character from time-to-time, especially one who so richly deserves a parsnip up the arse, so try not to imagine this little towheaded non-Joffrey getting his brain cells melted by Scarecrow’s neurotoxic gas or Katie Holmes’ single facial expression.


Tyrion Lannister on Seinfeld
Though he was the only cast member to walk away with an Emmy this season, Peter Dinklage is no stranger to being pigeonholed. Shit, I could only ever play point guard on my junior high basketball team, but I ended up hosting a radio program in college where the audience could not judge my size. Here’s a, let’s say, completely coincidental parallel example of Peter Dinklage’s voice on Seinfeld.


Cersei Lannister in The Jungle Book
Queen Gorgo or “Character I Didn’t Realize Was As Popular As Leelu to Cosplay” from 300 is kind of an obvious choice. Please instead enjoy this trailer for Disney’s live-action adaptation of The Jungle Book which, as a young girl, taught me the meaning of abs. Oh yeah, and Lena Headey as not-in-the-original-book caucasian love interest, Kitty.


Jaime Lannister in Wimbledon
Sure, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau has been in some shit that wasn’t Danish, but the only thing I’ve seen is Wimbledon and I’m 90% sure I’m actually thinking of that Woody Allen movie about tennis that was so wretched I couldn’t be bothered to realize how long it took me to turn it off.


Tywin Lannister in Ali G In Da House
Nothing demeans a man like dressing forcing him to like a woman, because of gender roles or something. Check out the venerable Charles Dance stuffed into a vinyl mini-skirt by the venereal Ali G.


Lancel Lannister on House of Anubis
Did you know that the guy with exaggerated page boy haircut that Cersei’s been nailing since her brotherlover got captured is a legit teen heartthrob? He’s on a Nickelodeon show called House of Anubis, which I surmise from the title is like Hogwarts without any quality writing backing it up. If you can ignore the Kate Moss build from the Season 1 finale, he’d make a nice addition to the LadyBoners reedit.

BONUS:


Bronn’s music video

Wait for it…yep. There he is. Here’s hoping he breaks into song on a GoT blooper reel at some point. If you’re not fully fetal from cringing, check the date on this vid; it’s way more recent than you might think.

Images courtesy of HBO.com


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